Saturday, March 20, 2010

"Redemption Bell"

Locked down, center of space
No gravity to find our place
Tripped up, stumbled we fell
Waiting for the redemption bell

Human race, save our grace
Need more love, find our place
No one to save, as we self-destruct
Other than choices
We can’t leave to luck

Little law, demand a lot
Patriot rights, we so have fought
Blinded eyes, truth so clear
Yet forsaken what’s most dear

Planet earth, the universe
Water and clay, simple birth
Our skies are suffocating
Cut the waste, use all God gave us
In the smartest of ways

Creation distorted

Skin turns to boils, protect ourselves
Putting on super hero, plastic capes
Step outside, make no mistakes
Our Earth shakes with rage
Crying to be saved
Pollute the air, all we breathe
Poisoning ourselves, yet too blind to see
Look at the skyline, beautiful serene
Use all solar source and gifts green clean
Spoiled by trains, planes and cars
A routine habit that slowly killed the rabbit

Nuclear bombs, the jets and stealth
Bomb one another, a power play
History repeats itself, everyday
Royalty, elite, middle class
What's these labels we've learned to read
Keep your heart in every step
Always close with the truth
All make a difference in our human race
A smile on our face, every soul embraced
Trick not the mind of charms that chime

Find a way
Start today
Government control
Simple people, self implode
Liberty with order
Justice for all

Future generation here today
Wondering eyes, light of life
Teach us the way with the purest of ways
Life is good so make it that way
Shaken to our knees, open eyes to see
God’s love is everything
Forever revering
Time and time again
Redemption can begin

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Every Moment Is A Gift

Another day to see the mysteries of God unfold and the greatest exploration of all. Often we make choices that determine certain outcomes, yet those outcomes are not always thought of in advance, and that's why it's called living. Often we say things that can be misunderstood, yet that's freedom of speech. My body is tired, yet my mind is awake, so instead of lying with thoughts, I chose to share.

I was at home this evening and the doorbell rang. I answered and my neighbor was in distress, asking if I had seen her dog. I felt so bad and had not. I decided to take a stroll around the block as it was the least I could do. After doing so, I went to their home and rang the doorbell. Well, who first to meet me is the lovely doggy at the window. My heart filled with joy. I awaited for the door to be answered, and as I looked through the window her husband wheeled over on his wheelchair. Once he opened the door I expressed my relief to see Nala was home safe. He invited me in and his three beautiful children were enjoying a night in PJ's and with Daddy. His wife had gone to the store and was not home yet.

We began talking about life, and he's just reaching his mid thirties. You might be wondering what led him to be in a wheelchair at such a young age, I know I did when we first met. He had been in a motorcycle accident a little over a year ago, that had him paralyzed and told by Doctors he will never walk or play guitar again. We began talking about the direction we are currently being directed and I expressed my determination to now follow my heart, as it's the only way I know how to feel alive. It's incredible how he encouraged me, and expressed that he wishes he would have done that at times in his own life. He was previously married to a woman, with whom he had three children with, and was very unsupportive of who he was as a person. So much so, that he said he went to therapy for a few years and finally realized that nothing was wrong with him. When with his first wife, she became pregnant with twins and at that time his band that he was touring with encouraged him to be with his family. I suggested that anything is feasible, if you choose to work with the circumstances, there are always solutions. He agreed, and also said that all to often, he would let others persuade his decisions and it's one thing he regretted. He and his wife eventually split up, and he found himself living with his parents again at 30 years of age briefly, and then back out on his own. We were speaking of how situations can feel as though they are the lowest of lows, yet at the same time, it's those same situations that we can find a greater freedom.

Not long after, he met Laura, his wife now and she was everything he dreamed of, yet wondered if she truly existed. He had met the woman of his dreams, who loved him dearly and unconditionally. He said, "I've never met someone who was so supportive." Then expressed he was still torn, and why? Because he still had this idea of a standard that he must please his parents. Well, that didn't last long as once he made it clear to his parents he loved her, they eventually accepted it and let go of the dream of him being with his first wife and kids, to simply live to please them. He told me Laura got pregnant pretty quickly, and his parents embraced the situation fully. He was truly blessed to have his Son who is now a little over two years of age. No one ever thinks that a tragic accident will happen to them, yet I believe the awareness that it can happen is there, although to personalize and embrace the depth of it happening is something no one wants to think of.

He is now walking from time to time on the walker and has movement with his arms. He was telling me how the greatest feeling was being able to hold his children again. His Toddler came over to him, and he said, "I just put one arm around him, then threw the other arm around and held tight, pulling with all my might. My son was in my lap, wrapped in my arms for the first time since the accident. I cried." I sat watching his eyes tear up as he told me of this recent experience. His previous Employer offered him a higher ranking job back at their company, and he has a new found passion of video editing that he's enjoying. We were speaking of how incredible God is, and he made a strong point when he said, "Could you imagine how miserable I would be if I hadn't followed my heart, didn't marry my wife Laura and was now living with my parents after the accident." He would never of had the chance to have another child again either. His wife is incredible and I've spoken to her on a handful of occasions. She has been by his side through everything and now does a lot of the man work as well. She is so humble and appreciative for the goodness of God in their lives. He said, "I never once asked God why this happened to me and for two reasons. One, it was my choice to get on that motorcycle and take that risk and two, I'm grateful to be alive. After the accident, my only two options were death or determination. I chose determination." He smiled as he shared with me how they call him Mayer at the recovery center. The reason so, is because he is the one who's always going around to the patients there and encouraging them to choose life.

I don't know what God has in store for me. There are often times I feel I would be a happy simple house wife, and then I have the artistic urges within me, that I feel there is a reason for as well. I've always believed I could have both and still do. There is a reason successful people have a team, no matter what it is that one is doing. I can say I know my destiny, yet that would be foolish because I truly don't. The one thing I do know, is that God gives us the now to do what we love and always finds a way to sustain us through all. We never know what tomorrow holds in store, yet if we simply follow our heart and use our mind, putting all our faith in His grace to show the way, we will surely be on our path, allowing the journey to of destiny to unfold with great appreciation each step of the way. I know, that no matter what my destiny is, as long as I follow my heart and keep God first, I shall enjoy each day, even when I fall. There are miracles all around, and when we look at a loved one, that's the greatest miracle of all.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Nurture your love ;))

Everyone is unique, with a path ready to be journeyed upon, and as soon as we allow ourselves to fall freely into that path, that will be the moment we learn to fly.

Often times I have felt inadequate, most of my childhood to be honest. I've always had a variety of friends and appreciated them all. I was never the type to be a part of a click, yet perhaps some may have labeled me as so, yet labels simply are put there, because most people feel secure in having a point of reference to connect a person, place or event. Yesterday was a very eventful day for me, and childhood memories stirred up within as we pulled up to the fairgrounds. I was with a dear childhood friend and her girlfriends, spending the day preparing for her wedding that she asked me to be in. I have known her since kindergarten and there is always a sense of comfort when I'm with her. I'm reminded of a part of myself, that often times I forget, yet we laugh at ourselves and the silliness of our childhood actions. We lived in our own dream land often, and it was quite enjoyable really. There is that reminder of being a child, and having no concerns, just having the purest form of fun from moment to moment. Yes, there were times of fear as well, and both come up when we reminisce about it all. Her Father was an alcoholic with an extremely bad temper. There were times we would be in her room, holding the bible on our laps praying he did not come into the room, he never did! Although, we could hear him throwing and breaking dishes, yelling, and her Mother trying to reason him. On the flip side, we would pretend to be The Kendalls, learning all of their songs, and put together silly shows. One of my favorite songs to sing was, "You Can Eat Crackers In My Bed Anytime" by Barbara Mandrell. I learned at a very early age to shut off and escape in my mind, from the people or events that I did not know how to deal with in any other way. It's amazing how you can grow so distant from your childhood, yet at the same time, reconnect with the truth of who you are when you're in situations such as so. I'm thankful now, to no longer shut off, and to filter all, as for me it's the healthiest form I know of. I just had the realization, that there were years that I could not even listen to country music, as it was connected to many aspects of my childhood that reminded me of people or events that were too painful and I had not yet dealt with those issues. Shutting off is never a healthy way to deal with any form of abuse, as it then stirs within and stays there until we allow ourselves to filter it through, only hindering the freedom of abundance that's attainable. Once we filter it through, we can then grow and share our experiences with others, to help them through their own and live a pure, free life.

I've always been more of the introspective Artist type, absorbing all that was going on around me, yet with a strong sense of purpose in my own life, that made no sense to others that I knew. As a child, you only know what is presented to you. We did not have computers in my era to explore the world around or the things of interest to have a better understanding or a feeling that there are others with similar passions and desires. Knowing that what you feel within, is important and there is a reason we have these feelings and to follow them. Growing up, our parents have such an influence on us, they say things without even realizing the cause or affect it will have on us. It took me hearing one sentence from my Mother, that had me lock away the dream in my heart... It went something like this, "No one in our family can..." Well, that was all it took, I understood that as, "You can't." Well, did it stop me, ultimately no, because it is who I am. I tried to pursue the next closest idea of what I thought I could do, to still be happy and yet, it didn't fill the desire in my soul. I moved to the nearest city where I felt it was attainable shortly after graduating high school, living out of my car for the first couple of weeks filled with determination, feeling it was my only option, as if I were not doing what I love fully, then I would always feel inadequate, and I don't feel we are to settle in life for anything less than what gives the greatest vibrations to our soul. I met some incredible people along the way, and learned then, that, "I can".

That was a new beginning for me, a new awakening of hope! I had felt unlocked from that tortured aspect that I had struggled with my entire childhood! It was really awful really, never feeling I could even talk to anyone about it, as they would look at me like it was equivalent to winning the lottery. Yet, many people play and say, "When I win the lotto one day." Winning the lotto seemed like a much more difficult task, as you're leaving fate in the hands of air. When you have a dream, or a passion, no matter what it is, truly you can attain it! With dedication and taking the proper steps, anything is possible. As we enjoyed the day of festivities at the bridal show, I took pictures, documenting it all. I've learned to follow my heart when with a group or not, even if there is no one around that understands, and I find complete pleasure in that. Whatever I do now, it's not to attain approval of those around me, yet to live each moment doing what feels most authentic to myself.

That evening, my childhood friend and her girlfriend, who is also in the wedding, remained together, relaxing for some family time. I was talking with her girlfriend, and she surprised me with her words when she said, "You're a female version of my sixteen year old son and you have given me so much relief, meeting someone similar." Perhaps these words seem vague at the moment, yet the deepness of it all stirs my soul with pure joy. She mentioned to me that throughout the day, I often said things that sound identical to the way her son thinks. She wanted me to talk with him, and I knew then, I had a purpose that evening and the most gratifying aspect at that moment, was to fulfill it. We went to her home, played Wii, relaxed and enjoyed a lovely evening. She took me into her sons room and his walls were plastered with posters including John Lennon, Bob Marley and more. My heart was lifted and I encouraged her to support him. She said he loved to write and rap. I told her he is the perfect age to begin bridging the gap, so he can live the life that he's passionate about. I mentioned my ideas and thoughts of how to take those steps now, so when he's finished with high school, he can go to where he's feeling led to go to make those dreams come true. I had mentioned that I would be happier living a simple life, doing what I love, opposed to trying to live a life that seems like the ideal structure to what society portrays as so. After sharing my ideas of what he can do now, she was amazed and I could see the relief. She says, "I never thought of that, nor do I think he has." Her son came home and she introduced us. He absorbed my words fully, and I could feel he was in appreciation to connect with someone who not only understood him, yet who had given him insight to the tools available and how to obtain them, it was quite simple really, and made complete sense to him. He was already on the right track and it was the most gratifying to realize that all I shared with him, uplifted his spirit and sense of hope, a deeper understanding to help him attain that which is dearest to his heart. I couldn't stress more to him other than, "Be Prepared." The most respectable thing as an Artist, no matter the form of art that interests you, is to learn all about it. To fully absorb it and understand the craft on all dimensions possible, within the genre of interest. He explained to me having anxiety attacks, and I could truly relate. I absorb all going on around me, even if out of sight and explained that I too can have had these attacks. In the past, when I did not know how to channel them, they would often control me. He explained getting them in math class and I knew right then, he felt overwhelmed with a desire to meet an expectation, that he was not understanding. I suggested that instead of struggling on trying to find the answer, so he would feel confident in passing the class, to focus his intention on understanding the formula, and then the answer will come. I explained that this is a similar formula to the entire structure of a completed song. There are so many layers that make up the final outcome of a song, and most, simply hear the finished product, yet not all of the layers in between. When he feels the attacks, to focus through it in that very moment, and to write or read, staying focused. I suggested that instead of putting the pressure on himself in passing the class, as when you're still not understanding the concept, the fear of failure can take over, even when you feel that your goal is to pass, to focus in the moment, and look at things from a different perspective or ask for another perspective, and open our mind to find the answer we seek. It was a refreshing reminder for myself, also in knowing that I can live anywhere, and truly do what I love, embracing the tools of our modern technology to attain. At the same time, there is always that knowing that it takes a team to create the finished product! Although, the team can not create the understanding of the formula that I can obtain on my own. With his interest of songwriting and rapping, I encouraged him to start learning now about music theory, the business of music and to respect the art, so he will be a respected Artist, with the opportunity to have a career, opposed to a brief success. Getting a keyboard to learn the notes of music and how to read it as well. Watching the many youtube videos out there, learning whatever and however he can with all available on the internet. Suggesting to use these next two years to implement, so he's that much further ahead, as if he wants to make this a career, then there are things he can do now to propel this reality. We spoke in depth, and I found myself double in years to him, yet connecting to that aspect in myself, and it was an amazing feeling to share with him all that I did. His Mother was beyond thankful, expressing her appreciation to me, in feeling that her son was "normal." It's heartbreaking as a child, to not have anyone to connect with who understands, or having any awareness of how to take steps towards attaining those dreams in a realistic manner, in any given circumstance.

Every day is a gift. Every day a blessing. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, yet if we live in the moment, and do all we can to live our dreams, that is true freedom in itself. Giving in any healthy form that is available to give, is one of the most incredible feelings I know. It takes discipline to become addicted to anything in life. Become addicted to things that are healthy, things that will uplift you, yet most of all, addicted to God and love, with that, everything is possible in a healthy frame of mind. Many find their success, yet to be happy and have peace within along the journey no matter the circumstances that present themselves and once that success is obtained, is the most fulfilling success. For me, one of the greatest feelings is not only clarity, yet how to fill the gap to bridge our desires to fulfill our purpose, whatever it is. Live life to thrive. Put yourself in a situation so you can thrive and experience God in your life. Receive the things God wants to bless you with and value all. Look ahead towards your reward and appreciate the rewards in the now. As you have applied yourself with dedication, know therefore the success shall come. In any and all areas of life, may Gods grace be sufficient upon you. Happy trails and enjoy :)